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Court Quotes IV [Selections from] Disorder in the Court: a Collection of 'Transquips' by Richard Lederer Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court, published a few months ago. From Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by America's keepers of the word: * * * Q. What is your brother-in-law's name? A. Borofkin. Q. What's his first name? A. I can't remember. Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name? A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name! * * * Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? A. No. * * * Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A. By death. Q. And by whose death was it terminated? * * * Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. * * * Q. What is your name? A. Ernestine McDowell. Q. And what is your marital status? A. Fair. * * * Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about. * * * Q. And who is this person you are speaking of? A. My ex-widow said it. * * * Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney? A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good. * * * Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now? A. I will be three months November 8th. Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th? A. Yes. Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time? * * * Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable? A. I should be. Q. How many times have you comitted suicide? A. Four times. * * * Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people? A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people. * * * Q. Were you aquainted with the deceased? A. Yes, sir. Q. Before or after he died? * * * Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words. * * * Q. What happened then? A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q. Did he kill you? A. No. |
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